The Big Ask

Inviting Someone Into A Discipleship Relationship

Sometimes the most difficult step in discipling someone can be the first step; asking someone if you can disciple them. It’s difficult because it is out of the norm for many people who try to walk in humility. We picture the conversation framed this way: 

“Hi, I am more spiritually mature than you, so you need to let me teach you.”

When we frame it this way, it feels arrogant. We think people are going to respond to it as though it were a prideful suggestion and reject us while also judging us for being so pompous.

Although that is how we play it out in our minds, that is not the way the conversation has to go. In fact, if you are concerned about coming across as arrogant, it probably means you aren’t, and the conversation won’t go that way. 

Still, I understand it can be intimidating so here are a few things to remember when inviting someone to let you disciple them. 

• We are commanded to grow disciples. 

I believe every Christian is called to be part of the Great Commission (Matt. 28:18-20) through evangelism (make disciples) and discipleship (growing disciples). Each one of these has their own set of fears and difficulties. Evangelism is scary because we are speaking to people about spiritual matters that they may reject or even become upset over. There is also fear of not knowing enough or saying the wrong things. But if we never overcome these fears, we can never be obedient to Jesus’ commands and we can never see souls added to the Kingdom. 

In the same way, discipleship has its own set of fears, but we cannot let these fears keep us from obeying Jesus or no one will ever be led to maturity in their faith. Understanding that we are commanded to seek to increase the maturity of other believers should help us overcome our fear and act out of obedience because . . . if we never ask, it will never happen.

• Inviting someone into discipleship, is part of their discipleship. 

When you approach someone to invite them into discipleship, you are given a great opportunity to explain why discipleship is necessary. You can use Scripture to teach them why we disciple and are discipled. (Great Commission mentioned above, Col. 1:28-29, 2 Tim. 2:2, Heb. 5:12-14). You can use your own testimony of how you’ve benefited from someone discipling you. You can even ask them questions to help them identify areas they need to or want to grow in their faith. 

A lot of Christians have never been discipled because they didn’t know they were supposed to be discipled and have never seen any need for it. Just by asking, you are teaching them something. They can even use your boldness in asking as encouragement for asking someone else in the future. Using your invitation as an opportunity to teach them about discipleship is in itself part of discipleship. 

• You can be honest and still be humble. 

If you are considering discipling someone, I hope it is because you want to see them mature in Christ and because you believe God can use you in that process. And if that is true, there is nothing wrong with saying it. If you approach someone out of genuine love, it is very rarely going to be taken as an insult or some kind of rude gesture. (Yes, there are exceptions) Telling someone you want to help them in their Christian walk and that you would love to see them experience the joy of pursuing maturity in Christ is NOT equal to saying, “I’m more mature than you – you need my wisdom.” 

Imagine if someone said this to you:

“You know, being discipled has really helped me grow in my faith and joy in Christ, and I would love to help you grow in that also.” 

Or this:

“I have seen the value in discipleship in my own life and I would love to help you experience that as well.” 

Or even this:

“I believe God has used discipleship to grow me and I believe I could help you move forward in your relationship with Christ.”

Now, which of these are offensive? Which of these come across as arrogant? Perhaps, the bigger question, which of these are true? You can be honest with someone about the value you can bring to their life and at the same time not be arrogant. 

•  If they say no, you’ve lost nothing.

Let’s be honest, some people aren’t at a point where they want discipleship and no amount of Bible, testimony, or honesty will persuade them they need it. If that’s where they are then you must understand there is nothing more you can do about it without God’s intervention. However, I would venture to bet that close to 99% of the time, the harshest response you will get is, “No, thank you.” Even that response can be a big fear of people because they feel embarrassed or rejected but you have to realize that it is simply a polite, “No thank you.” It is a cordial, “I don’t have time.” It is courteous, “That’s not for me.” There is no more reason to be embarrassed about that than if you offered them a ticket to a hockey game and they said they no thanks because they don’t like hockey. Sure, there is a lot more at stake spiritually, but no more reason for you to be embarrassed or feel rejected.

It will most likely go something like this. 

You: “My relationship with Christ has benefited so much from my discipleship and I wanted to know if that is something you would be interested in as well?”

Them: “No thanks. I really don’t’ have time and that’s not my thing.”

 You: “OK, just thought I’d ask. Are we still on for coffee Thursday morning?”

 Them: “You know it.”

Its important to remember that most of the time, your relationship won’t be affected, and it may in fact open the door to conversations in the future. If they ever change their mind, they know you’re willing. 

These are few things to get you thinking about inviting someone into a discipleship relationship. We’ve been commanded. We’ve been empowered. What’s stopping you?